Disclamers #2 and #3

It wasn't my intention to write so much about the kids, but they're an easy subject. A) I love them B) They are entertaining, to say the least, and C) I spend most of my life with them.

But the hope was that this would be a place for me to express some other parts of my life, which is clear if you've read earlier posts. But do you ever feel afraid to tap into those other parts? Like you don't have the energy to open the door to who you are? That's been me lately, and though I miss writing about more, sometimes it's just easier to smile and say "this is my life and that's all there is".

I should make more disclaimers here...

First, I hope no one ever hears me saying that I am dissatisfied with motherhood. It's what I waited for my whole life. I choose to spend as many hours as possible with my children because I want to and I love them. But I have plenty of opportunities to observe life with them and talk to other people about them. This is just the place I can be sarcastic and mildly rebellious about this little life of mine. So I really do appreciate every moment with my family, but I know that they are not all that I am.

Second, I know that I don't use a lot of words about God in these posts. But that does not mean that I am in any way setting Him aside. He is woven into every heartbeat of mine as I write. I couldn't think anything without His prompting, and He keeps giving me a lot to think about. If you want to see scripture then seek it out, but I see the spirit of Psalms in my open expression about the circumstances of life. I believe that He has put about a million words into my mind just today, and that they are there for a reason. So I'm going to keep writing what He lets me. I love the Lord, He hears me and sustains me. He has, He does, and He will. So while I complain and ponder and hurt, He gives me conviction and understanding and strength. So the mess of my life serves only to show what kind of God He is, because I am still here and sometimes going strong.