Disclaimer #1

This is a reply I made to someone who worried about me after reading my blog this morning. I hope friends and family will take it to heart.

Please don't start to worry about me when I write something dark on my blog. I need this as a creative outlet, and I can't do that while worrying about people flipping out. You are welcome to make comments to me or on the blog, but please don't let them be "are you alright?" comments. I know that must be difficult for you, but I have a writer/philosophical side that can be very melancholy and gray. I enjoy being that way when it is not a hazard to my health. Not many people know that side of me, so I know it's a transition for everyone. But this is really good for me to put myself out there and not be in hiding so much. I'm not getting onto you, just asking you to try accepting this part of me instead of being afraid of it.
Thanks.
Katie

Rainy Day

A favorite poem from Longfellow...

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

A favorite Psalm...
Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.

Final Answer?

The correct answers for items not completed from Monday's list are:
-not pull my hair out when Jane drags her feet with multiplication
-Fold the laundry I washed AND
-Put Christmas decorations away (my brother got this right because we have roots)

Thanks to Duffy and Kevin for participating in my first (and maybe only) blog survey.

Here's a picture of the kids with Kevin and his lovely wife Michelle.
Now married two and a half months.

Jolly Good Fellows and Gals

Happy Birthday to my friend and sister-in-law Debbie!!
Happy Birthday to my father-in-law Albert!
Congratulations to Jerry and Amanda Hyder on the birth of their baby boy!
Congratulations to my niece Lily who can now spit with her tongue!!

Place Your Vote

Okay, so from the list below I completed all but three things. Which three things did I not do?

Manic Monday

So starts another Monday morning with all my self-motivation in high gear. Today I WILL:

Get up before all my friends think I will.
Put my shoes on first thing so I will have more energy to start the day.
Start a load of laundry before the kids get up.
Only spend five minutes checking my email.
Feed the children breakfast instead of snacking during school.
Not pull my hair out while Jane drags her feet during multiplication.
Remain calm when Stephen does his spelling while climbing on my back.
Go to the Ymca and do more than walk on the
treadmill while watching a movie.
Read a book to my children.
Put away Christmas decorations.
Fold the laundry I washed.
Serve a vegetable with dinner.
Remember the bathe the children.
Speak to my husband after the kids go to bed.
Not have a snack after eight o'clock.
Turn the light off at ten-thirty so I can start again tomorrow.

I used to believe that I was too much for people. Too much what? Emotion, thoughts, tears, rage, trembling, confusion, words, everything. I thought I had to hide it all, that the world might explode if I released it all at once. I thought I was too much. The truth is that I was too much for me.

I just erased about three paragraphs that followed those statements, because the truth is I just needed to get that out there. Those fears creep up on me sometimes, and the best thing I can do is say "there it is again!" then kick it out of my head. We all have those lying voices floating around in our minds, don't we?

One of the sweetest gifts I have ever received were these seven words that God gave me in 2000: THIS IS NOT ALL THAT I AM. Whatever lies are in my ears, whatever sin I have my clutches in, whatever illness is consuming me, whatever fate lies before me--nothing can become everything. I am more. I am more than my heart lets me feel today. I am more than the words I write. I am more than my busy-ness. I am a complex but redeemed daughter of the King, and He has made me to be more than my circumstances.

I wish that more of my friends and family knew the way a heart soars when it can say, "I am His."

Buddy

Stephen Christopher:
--The fall brought about Stephen's right of passage as a Thompson Man: four-wheeling. Pee-paw, Daddy, and Uncle Matthew have trained him well. (I am praying for Stephen's future wife even now :) )
--Tiger Scouts grrrrrrrrrrrr..... Gives Chris and Stephen a weekly night out with the guys. Pack meetings require jokes from every boy, who strangely have better jokes than their leaders.
--Is anyone unsure of what Stephen loves more than anything in this world? It's Clifford. He's the second from the left. This year we finally found his long lost twin (not pictured) on ebay. Now "old guy" can stay home and rest with his sewn on patches while "new guy" takes on the rough and tumble world that is Stephen. But how rough can he really be when he unapologetically takes a stuffed dog with him everywhere he goes?

I'm still smitten...

My Girl...

Jane Louise
--Started Brownies last year. Now she has a day pack everywhere we go because "a girl scout should always be prepared".
--Christmas '07 - We used to think Jane was too serious...never mind. She has become quite a goofball this year. I think Chris is very proud. I'm now officially outnumbered.
--Attending a tutorial now where Jane
takes science and geography once a
week. She's in heaven. It requires planning, packing, and homework. Here she is at the geography fair with her project about Tennessee. She did a good job.

FYI...there are no websites about geography fairs anywhere.

About the road

"The road goes ever on and on" is from a great song written by Bilbo Baggins, aka the
Hobbit. It was intended as a traveling song, and so it is. But those words "on and on" ring in my ears. I frequently add, to myself, "on and on and on and on and on and on". I am a self-professed melancholy girl, so ho-hum me thinks and thinks and thinks all day long. I'm exhausted all the time!! My granny used to say "tired" was my middle name, and I was only eight!! Life feels long. Will it ever end? SCHREECHING HALT!! What? Yes, it will end. How can I say that as my godmother enters radiation next month? How can I say that when my husband's friend just defeated cancer. How can I say that when my niece's life just ended before she took her first breath of air? How does my mind get so twisted up that I cannot see beyond myself?

And you thought you might catch some light reading before checking your email...

Look, here's the deal. The above quote cuts both ways. To me, it's just a reminder that I'm weary. But it is also telling me today that life will go on (and on). It always has, even for me. And when I'm not drowning in my private pits of despair, I actually want it to go on. I want to see a good day again. I want to stand up with hundreds of people and sing my heart out in praise. I want to make my husband laugh (it happens!). I want a million hugs from my son and a million smiles from my daughter. It's gonna be great!

So, oddly enough, this is a good start to my day. Now I can remember that life is not just the pit (which I confess I'm only in because I was awake half the night with a feverish six-year-old rolling around in my bed), it's also the road. The one up ahead which, though quite steep today, will turn a corner and lead me to places I haven't even seen yet.

I think...

Putting the kids to bed - Fall 2007

Posting this per Lindy's request...I loved writing it.

Stephen and I played a kissing game…he would start to kiss me on the cheek then turn his head and kiss me right in the neck! Funnier still, I was surprised and tickled every time. When I told him “one last kiss”, he gave it up then said he was about to cry. Stephen is a very emotional being. He can genuinely laugh and cry, be happy and sad, at the same time. I told him he had nothing to be sad about; we’re together and I loved him so much I would hold him as close as I could. “Remember”, I said. “We’re stuck together." He created this phrase a couple of years ago at bedtime when he told me he wished we could be stuck together all the time. My heart is still melting. He said “Yeah, we’re stuck together. Not you and Jane!” “No”, I said. “It’s not the same.” “Not like Dad.” “Nope. Not like you and me.” “Mom, we’re like peanut butter and jelly!” Did my heart just explode? “Yes, exactly! Wow, Stephen! What a blessing. That’s the best…peanut butter and jelly!” I moved towards the CD player, trying to hide my tears. “And mom?" “What, buddy?” “God is the bread!” Hello, tears. “Yes, baby. God is the bread.”

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Jane talks before sleep. She talks, she reads, then she thinks. Can’t go to sleep without it. Tonight the discussion was about “webkins”, which, I think, is an interactive internet stuffed animal from her description. All, yes all, of her friends have one…or seven. Jane has decided that she will use part of her allowance to buy one, that is, as soon as we pay her for the last six weeks! So, as most nights, there she is sitting up on her bed. Pajamas, robe, fluffy slippers, water (with four ice cubes and a straw), books, bear, and freshly brushed hair tucked behind the ears. Also in hand are the familiar notebook and pen illustrating tonight’s topic of discussion: webkins. I listen in detail to the cost, responsibilities, and rewards of webkins. Then she recites the many choices of animals there are. The selections of furniture, home décor, and entertainment she will set up online for the webkins are quite shocking. I can’t help but to go into “uh-huh” mode and wait for her to use up all her words for the day. I ward off the temptation to say, “Chill out! It’s just a toy! Go to sleep!” But then…there it is. That light in her eyes. It’s been there since the moment she was born! She is…thinking. I muse on this while the webkins presentation continues. She’s so young for this one area to be so much stronger than the others: organizing, planning, preparation, details, research! Who knows what she could do when she grows up? The possibilities are endless! We need more people like this in the world. The planning of my daughter’s future was interrupted by “Hey mom, what other furniture do you think it should have in its house?" “I have no idea”, I stated honestly. The grin spread across my face. She’s used to it. “Whaat?” “Nothing. I just like how you think through things like this. Remember the list you made before you became a Christian?" Now that was an experience, and yet, I’ll save it for another time. Needless to say, there was a list…with boxes out to the side to check off…with “Become A Christian” at the bottom of the list. She says, “Yeah. I know. I just like to be prepared for stuff. Like when I’m starting a project or when I became a Christian or when I need to make a plan or…" Great, she’s starting another list here. Jane interrupts herself to say, “You know what mom?" “What, sweetie?” “I just like to look before I leap.” Okay, I’ve never heard her say that before. And when she busts out with new phrases I’m prone to a giggle. Take a deep breath… “Really? Where did you hear that expression?” Embarrassed smile. “I don’t know. I just heard it some place and I thought ‘That’s what I’m like’. Don’t you think so?” “Absolutely.” And that is the end of this day.

Jumping In...

I can't believe I've done it. I've jumped into the pool of blogging. This is what happens when you just keep clicking on a button and asking yourself "I wonder what happens when I do this?". So, here I am. I haven't even said anything yet, but I already feel naked. I have soooo many disclaimers that I want to make (not a surprise to any who know me well), but it seems that if I offend you or say more than I should you can just "x" away from me. I actually recommend that. Just scoot on to the next blogger if you begin to think things are heading south. Otherwise, I promise unending to-do lists, whining and self-pity, talking incessantly about my kids, and musing the mysteries of mental health. However, I can say from experience that these are usually followed by a desperate pursuit for More, and those conversations can actually be quite interesting, I think. We'll see...