It must be

I wonder why I am relaxed today? There's no reason for it. I have an unbelievable amount to do, I think.

There are preparations to be made for vbs, weddings, trips, school, baby showers, and who knows what else?

There are library books to be returned, dishes to be done, rooms to be cleaned, food to be bought, and calls to be returned.

Where it the pressure that's been looming all around me since summer began?

Maybe I've lost focus. Maybe I forgot to take my medicine. Maybe I got too much sleep last night. Maybe I'm in denial. Maybe I'm forgetting something.

It's unexplainable. It must be God.

Second Summer

So the things I listed on my summer to-do list a few weeks ago are all crossed off, except for summer reading. I've only gotten halfway through the second one (though I added a book in the middle of that). But the summer has been so busy already that I am now preparing for what I'm going to call Second Summer. In sixteen days the rush of first summer will be over, and my Second Summer will begin. So here's the revised list:

• Wake up in the morning and read.

• Have scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast with the kids.

• Go swimming on the spur of the moment.

• Visit the library just for fun, without looking for school books.

• Play outside until dark.

• Go fishing with may dad.

• Visit a used bookstore without needing to hurry.

• Meet friends for lunch without planning ahead.

• Walk around the neighborhood at dusk with my family.

• Sit on the front porch reading while Chris plays guitar and the kids lie around just listening.

Tell the truth...

I'm neglecting my blog, aren't I? You can tell me the truth, I don't mind. It's not that I don't have anything to write about. You know I always have more to say.

It's just that I don't want to be introspective right now, not in front of you anyway. Sitting down to write anything usually brings that out in me. I really can't help it.

So I'll just sit here eating momma's fudge pie (mmm...) and drinking my DDP while you wonder why on earth I even wrote this down.

But I get the rush of writing, even if it was nonsense.

The Dashing Dashwood Sisters

Over the past few weeks I hinted at my Sunday night escapades with PBS' Masterpiece Theater. I was fortunate to see the first and third installments of the new Sense and Sensibility and loved it madly. Today, I indulged (with Chris' blessing) and bought it for myself. Now, having enjoyed all three hours in one sitting, I can reasonably say that it is better than the 90's version that I treasured before. You must, must, must see this, and I will happily watch it again and again with you. Good night!

...and day

Today was better.

Today I took a shower.

Today I talked to a friend.

Today I laughed with my children.

Today I marked three things off my to-do list.

Today I bought tons of food at the grocery store.

Today I helped my husband by listening to him.

Tonight I am cooking tacos.

Tonight I remain calm.

Tonight I don't really need to cry.

Tonight I will tuck my children in to bed.

Tonight I will be a better wife and mother.
Tonight I feel normal.
Tonight I can breathe.

day and night

Today I killed fifty-seven ants on the coffee table.

Today I threw away an insulated lunch bag with mold in it.

Today I found a dime in the kitchen sink.

Today I did not take a shower.

Today I filled an empty trash bag when I cleaned the living room.

Today I promised my family there would be food in the house by dinner time.

Tonight my family went out to dinner without me.

Tonight I will wash the dishes.

Tonight I will fold the laundry my husband washed.

Tonight I will regret not cleaning the hamster cage last week.

Tonight I will thank my husband again.

Tonight I will cry.

Tonight I will go to sleep.

Tonight I will forget about today.

Tomorrow might be better.