How long has it been since you got in touch with a blast from the past? This week, two dear friends resurfaced via facebook. One found me, I found the other. These are girls I haven't talked to in 8 or 10 years. I immediately pictured them the way they were when I last saw them. One had a two year old son that Chris and I adored. She was my best friend in high school, though we were complete opposites (isn't that the way it goes?). The other was my big brother's high school girlfriend, but a few years later I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. She was a small town girl. And now, the two year old is thirteen, and my friend is working away in Alabama. The other small town friend is working on her dissertation and is moving to Maine! They changed! I don't know who they are any more, though I hope to find out.
Now I'm realizing that they are picturing me the way I was...innocent, naive as all get-out, and pretending to be happy all the time. But I've changed, too! They don't know who I am any more. How do you tell your rebel girlfriend (you know it's true:) that you finally rebelled, too? Will she pat you on the back? Or should you let her see the misery it brought you? How do you tell someone that you wore a mask all those years, that you ached every day? And do you thank her for distracting you all that time? How do you say "I miss you" when you never called or wrote? How do you move on with an old friend when the foundation of who you are is so totally different than before?
Maybe this is why we call them old friends; they know the old you. People today could never imagine how silly I was back then. They couldn't imagine that I never voiced an opinion that required thought. They definitely couldn't imagine that I was always "okay", taking care of everyone else. Now I am melancholy and serious. I am opinionated because I think non-stop. I am very rarely "okay". Right, new friends?
So, here's a whole new question: do they still want to know me and will they like what I've become?
Better yet, will I see them for who they are and still call them friend? I hope so, because if I won't, I haven't really come that far.
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2 comments:
The beauty of friendship is that humans are so complicated! You can never truly know another person and that's what makes it so exciting to try. How cool that you get to rekindle friendships, knowing that they have changed and ready to accept yourself and show them who you really are!
If you are new, then so are they. They have also grown. These are not old friends, but possibly future new friends.
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