waiting

the road goes ever on and on
and on
i don't even know where i'm going
i have no run, no walk, no crawl
only breath
and it hurts to breathe
my chest contracts
and there is pain
it never seems to stop
i am always waiting
for it to stop
waiting and waiting
there are no days, no hours, no minutes,
only moments upon moments
i am forgetting what it is like
to live without the pain
i feel ridiculous
living with an invisible illness
speaking of aches when my organs work inside of me
but there is no cure for this disease
it is a cancer of the soul
and too many times it is eating me alive
burning the flesh of my heart
why oh why won't it stop
i treat it, i medicate it, i talk about it
i pretend it is not there
but it is not tolerable
it is not enough to know that the worst will pass
eventually
it is not enough because i know it will return
and i am afraid
to believe
to breathe
to live
to hope
to dream
to love
to do more than be

but i believe...in God
and i breathe...one breath at a time
and i live...for my family
and i hope...for heaven
and i dream...about a good day
and i love...the One who loves me
and i do...
wait



Psalm 130:12 Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You.