play time

It's Friday. The power is out in the neighborhood for some reason. I'm tapping away at a solitaire game on the laptop while the kids have toys spread out in the living room. I start hearing bits and pieces of their playing and realize nothing could be more impossible to follow. When I start taking notes, there's something going on with Indiana Jones, Anakin Skywalker, and the Secret Service.

J:He disguises himself as a gold miner

S:Be ready for any of his tricks

J:But they don't know

S:Jane, I can play anyway I want, right mom? See?

J:I'm using this as a metal detector and also as a ghost shooter

S:Oh yeah, I have a ghost buster extreme. It can make ghosts, too. Ah, Ah, Ah.

J:What?

S:My guy has secret ammo, and he's covering it up. Look he's covering it up.

J:You said that twice you know.

S:Hey, we'll be on your team if you do one thing. Attack them

J:No, Stephen, they don't know

S:Find out where they live

J:My guys have a very odd house. No one goes up here but my guys because it was said to be haunted

S:They agreed.

J:Hi there

S:What do you want? Hey it's the kid with the freckles!

J:It's my guys

S:He attacked our place. He intruded!

J:No that's a different guy. There's another kid with freckles, he's my evil twin.

S:Get him, we'll load him in the...&*$#^@&*!!!! Get outta here you!

J:We were just going to ask you something!

S:Jane, I think your thumb is bleeding

J:No it's from my fingernail polish. We were just going to ask for passage through your lands to search for the bad guys

S:no they've joined us

J: well, can I still have passage? Stephen look...okay, pause game

silence

S:wow the game really was paused

J:okay play

S:Yaaah! Get back here!!

J:no

S:We must have more cover

Jane pretends to toss pillow onto his toys

S: Nooooooo!!!!

J: I was just joking

S: choking?

J: j-j-j-joking

S:get the police

J:we are the police

S:yeah the space police

J:well they are also the regular police

S:no!

J:I can play however I want

S:police, police someone intruded in our land! And he nearly destroyed our fort

J: (singing)do-do-do-do-do

S:do you hear me? *&^%$ aaaah, puh, kush!

J:beep beep.... no it's just a dime again

S:yo! no intruding in their land

J:according to the law you cannot arrest children

S:then I'll arrest you mom and dad

J:don't have nay

S: then I'll arrest your alien

J: he's a kid too

S: President! Can you change the law that kids can't be arrested? New law! You can arrest kids

J: That's not fair. I'm only 10

S: How old is your brother?

J:12

S:I wont' allow you todothat

J: I'm police

S: one shot of this gun can destroy your motorcycle

J: the guns are on fire!

S: Not fair!

J: yes it is

S: (shooting noises)

J:then my guys are going to the hidden mountains, and nobody else can come there

S:they'll never escape, they'll never get away with that

J: Stephen only my guys know it's not haunted

a few moments of silence

S: pretend she was stealing dinosaurs from a museum

J: tick tock...jinx! Stephen

S:Thanks. mom I have a country style clock. Guess what it says tickatockatickatocka Jinx! Jane

J: It's the government acquisition that puts me in a bad position

What else can I say?

What do you do...

when you are really angry with someone?

I'm avoiding stuff...

Like taking a shower, baking brownies for community group snack, helping the kids clean their rooms, moving the laundry, cooking dinner, and I'm sure I'm missing something. ALL of this is supposed to be done in the next 70 minutes. A lot of times I work well under pressure, but that's usually for stuff outside the home: weddings, church projects, helping a friend. But when there's a deadline at home, I sometimes just fade into nothing. Just hanging out waiting for a burst of energy that only occasionally shows up. So if I'm going to waste time, I might as well blog, which I so rarely do anymore.

Sometimes writing is energizing. Sometimes it's depressing. But confession is always good for the soul. I confess that I am being lazy and selfish, and that I'm looking for a way to get out of going to community group. I really want to go...there's no way we won't have a fantastic discussion tonight. But don't you think that sometimes it's just easier to stay in your bubble and not answer that "how are you?" question? Strangely enough, I'm actually fine. I just usually elaborate more than I think I should. People say they like that, but the two or three people in my world who look at me like I'm crazy when I go on and on are the ones I think of when the devil tells me I'm a social idiot.

Anyway, I'm elaborating again. But since Nanette is probably the only one reading this, I don't feel so bad. But my seven minutes of avoiding life are over since I know Chris will be here soon and may not put up with another evening of taking the kids to c'group by himself.

Here I go...

MLK

The kids and I just finished watching the famous "I Have a Dream" speech together.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbUtL_0vAJk

Here's what we dream of:

Stephen: That there was a machine that would pick up all the bad guys and put them in jail.

Jane: Of a clean, happy, fight-free world.

Katie: The eyes of every heart to be opened to the One True God.

Pressing On

But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More that that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, th righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and in the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Has this ever happened to you? You hear a passage that you've heard, even clung to, many times before. But suddenly something new reaches out and touches you in a whole new way. Words that you passed over before are now the emphasis of the whole thing!

Two "new" things were given to my by the Holy Spirit in this passage yesterday. I'll give them to you in reverse order.

"...forgetting what lies behind" God has been preparing me to hear these words for about three weeks, giving me hope for each day, making me ready to leave the loss and grief of the recent past behind me. And now I hear Him saying - forget it. There is nothing left to process, to learn, to grieve, to regret, to be afraid of. I think He's telling me to walk away. And just like He always is, He's showing me how to do it. I'm terrified. It's like learning how to walk again. But He is holding my hands, even when I'm oblivious to His presence.

"that I may be...found in Him" I've been lost for a long while, months or years now, not knowing where I'm going or what I'm doing. Wandering, but not really seeking. There's some sense of direction coming back now, but it only points me one way...to Him. Just as a toddler will always be found wrapped around his mother's leg, I want to be found with Him. "Where's Katie?" "She's over there, with God." I don't want to wander any more. I want to be where He is, always in close proximity to my Father. It's been months since that desire really moved me.

So...it's time for me to leave behind the massive load that I can't find enough words to describe (and now I don't have to). It's time for me to press on, knowing that He is providing the muscle to do it, and start to run. Lord, give me faith, a firm belief that you can do anything.